Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Why can't burritos get me drunk
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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