Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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