either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
