im having a threesome with these popsicles
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize