Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize