I haven't been this sober since birth.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
