we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
