Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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