i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
