It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
