I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
