I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
