things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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