Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
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