I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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