mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You're like the curious george of whores
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
