I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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