there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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