you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
