You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
