I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
