Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
