The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Let's get the cat blown out
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
