16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
