I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
