I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
