Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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