one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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