Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
