Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
