Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
