I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize