I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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