if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Alive.
So much puke
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
