and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This is the high leading the old right now
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
how drunk are you?
Several
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
