I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
