textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
