i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize