I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
