so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
