No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
