waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
