just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
