I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
