So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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