we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize