He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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