Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
