You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
