I cockslap morals
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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