Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
