He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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