My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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