Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize