you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
