All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
