mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
