He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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