his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
