I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize