we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
