Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Sponge bath it is.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize