I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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